Slanging Strap 101
it's Pride Month and I want you lesbians to be hunching (if you want)
Foreplay
This is a wonderful part of the adventure. Foreplay is a required step that must be at least twenty minutes, no exceptions. Some will try to convince you to skip it since she’s wet anyway, but believe me when I say that you must commit to the step and focus on enjoying it more than you focus on getting your nut off. That’ll come later. You will cum later. Slow the fuck down and you’ll both have a great time.
Foreplay involves a variety of ingredients. It can be a mosaic of actions that set the mood and maintain the right vibe for the night (or any time, but night is sexiest). Kissing, petting, and cuddling are the bare minimum, but this is also where lesbian sex gets interesting. Is fingering foreplay? Does head count as foreplay if you keep going and move onto other activities? Queer people have a menu of sexual acts that are customized for each person. One might consider anything with genitals to be sex, while another person might have sex with no genital involvement at all. Only the people involved can tell when the line from foreplay has crossed and sex has begun.
Since we’re here to talk about how to lay the pipe, I consider fingering and head to be required foreplay before I even think about opening that drawer. While I also consider lube to be a non-negotiable part of sex leading to penetration, it does not take the place of some enthusiastic box eating and skilled hands. That pussy needs to be petted and primed every time.
During
I began my lesbian sexual life at 26, as a fully grown and realized woman. While I had no experience with other women physically, I was blessed enough to have done years of research on how to please a woman through books, articles, movies, poetry, and more. My life is marked by the moments where I decided I am smart enough to figure it out if I try and learn. The same is true for lesbian sex. No matter how late you start, you can always learn by listening.
Strap after some fire head is the secret to success. DO NOT SKIP THE FOREPLAY. She will tell you that it is time and you need to stand up and put your little friend on. In a previous essay, we discussed the best harness, so I will not bore you with those details again. As you get your dick on, you have the choice to hide away in the corner like a punk or stand proudly and have her watch you lube it up.
The choice of position depends on the participants’ preferences and physical limitations, so I recommend two basics: missionary and doggy-style in front of the mirror. They seem like opposite ends of the freak scale, but, when done correctly, both are equally effective at maximizing closeness and access. Missionary lets you tongue kiss, work on a hickey, and talk her through it as you do your part. Watching her pretty face while she throws it back on you and reaching around to play with her clit is also a wonderful way to both get y’all nut.
Whatever position(s) you choose, remember to stay in sync. Ghost stroking is embarrassing, but not just cuz you ain’t realize you wasn’t in it. It’s embarrassing cuz you wasn’t engaged enough with her to know if she was actually responding to you. The point of it all is to enjoy the connection, whether you’re focusing on the physical or emotional elements. If you like to switch and bottom next (or first!), remember that this is a delicate negotiation of pleasure and compromise. If your partner thinks they know your body just because you have the same genitals, stop there and get dressed. Just cuz you give good strap doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to get good strap if you want it. Good strap is simply what the strapee enjoys.
Aftercare
The aftercare stage can be a mirror of the foreplay. Cuddling, kissing, and cleaning are my bare minimums. While I’m partial to wiping the sweat from my brow and getting her some water almost immediately after pulling out, your lady might want some gentle holding and forehead kisses before you take care of her needs. Don’t jump up and get a towel if she’d rather lay on your chest for a while.
Although people don’t often know this, the strapper needs some aftercare, too. I’ve been disappointed to find out too late that some women don’t want to give me the affection or affirmations that would help ground me, too. While only you know what you need, it’s imperative that you get that. Never get disconnected from your body to please and then forget to return to it.
The Following Day
Just check in with her. Did she spend the night, and now you have to kiss her good morning good-bye? How’s the rest of her day going? Does she seem incredulous about what happened the night before?
Are you feeling good? Did you Bluetooth connect to your toolie while you was in it? Did you remember to clean it off and wash your harness? Take some time to be alone and reflect on the experience. So often studs are just expected to like what men like and do whatever is expected of us. Instead, I encourage you to look inward, examine your thoughts and feelings, and decide what adjustments you’d like for next time. Just because you did things one way one time, does not mean you’re required to stay the same.
Godspeed, future strapper. May your legs never cramp and your arms never give out.